Emotions swirl under my skin as I spend time exploring more and more of Panama. I am in constant awe of this country, of course it is physically gratifying but there is also an underlying vibe that is warm and intriguing. As I bike around Bocas with the sun beating down on my back my eyes scan the bright houses, the little ‘tienditas,’ the kids gossiping as they walk home from school, and I can’t help but reflect on this world and my own. There is a beautiful rawness that pulls me in.

I can’t help but wonder how different my life would be if I had been born into a Panamanian household. There is part of me that walks, or floats around in awe of how simple the lifestyle is – such few expectations, judgements, hurtles, not to mention the lack of material distractions. Children go to colorful schools, play outside, grow up, and raise families. There is a lot of sitting around, talking, singing, church and praising God. People grow old together. Days consist of school and work, laundry and household chores. Nights consist of cooking, kids playing till the stars prevail, elders telling stories. Families help each other wind through the valleys and rivers encompassing their lives. People need one another. I see people meandering the streets with iphones, but I know that doesn’t necessarily mean they have access to the internet. In fact, I would say many do not have access, at least not nearly as readily as we do in much of the U.S. Can you imagine going back to the days without computers, without the internet, without constant communication?

Although I have much appreciation for this simple lifestyle, the other part of me is telling myself over and over how grateful I am for all that I have. I have opportunities to be whatever I want to be, whomever I want to be, I can live wherever and wear whatever. I can cook the kind of food I choose and the quality of food I desire, if something breaks I can usually fix it, get it fixed, or buy a new one. Everything is replaceable in our world. Is this a good thing?

I realize that on a day-to-day basis what often frustrates me is a direct correlation to the fact that there are so many possibilities in my little-big world. It is the many choices I have that overwhelms and can lead to confusion, or a feeling that I am not doing as much as I should be doing. It can create a feeling of ‘lacking,’ in a culture that can never seem to have or do enough.

The good news is that this awareness brings me back to my eternal philosophy believing in balance and blessings, in turn this brings peace, gratitude and forgiveness into my little world. Every time we have these thoughts of not doing enough, we must remember that we are lucky to have as many opportunities as we do. It is up to each of us to set the boundaries, the goals, the desires, ultimately to remember what is important.

Peace – Gratitude – Forgiveness xo