What is your child’s attitude around eating and food? This is the most important sign. Does he/she get overly upset about new foods, or entire food groups? Is he/she food driven? Is dinnertime a battleground rather than a time to enjoy each other’s company?

Has your child never eaten a single vegetable or fruit? Does your toddler have trouble chewing or even gag? Does he/she pass on all meats except those that require little chewing or have strange texture? Has he struggled from the beginning or did he eat well until 18 months and then begin whining for favored foods? Does he seek out only sweet foods, salty foods, soft foods, etc.? These are all indications that parents may be dealing with more than typical picky eating.

There is almost always an underlying reason that starts a child and his parents down the path of feeding difficulties. Look deeper:
“It hurts! It doesn’t feel good!”
“I can’t”
“I don’t like how this feels/tastes/looks/sounds. I’m uncomfortable.”
“I don’t want to! I want to do it my way.”
“I’m scared _______ will happen again.”

Generally, if a parent is spending a lot of time and energy trying to get a child to eat more or different foods, then it may be more than just typical picky eating.
Pressuring, bribing, and coercing are counterproductive for the majority of children. It is important to think further.

There are a few very important steps:
Step 1: Decrease stress, anxiety (yours and your child’s), and power struggles.
Step 2: Establish a routine.
Step 3: Make family meals pleasant.
Step 4: Build skills in “what” and “how” to feed.
Step 5: Strengthen and support oral motor and sensory skills (touching, smelling foods etc.) This means getting the child involved in food.

Parents may have a hard time letting go of bribing, or forcing foods. It all boils down to trust, and parents can have a hard time trusting their children to eat well— understandably! Many parents have been told that their child “can’t” sense hunger, or they don’t know how to eat without you forcing them. This is not true; children are born with an internal clock telling them when they are hungry and when they are full! Parents need to be encouraged to respond to their child’s unique needs while nurturing and facilitating progress.

Negotiating, bribes and pressure increase anxiety. (“How many bites will I have to eat of X tonight?” or “Will I gag if they make me eat one bite of cherry tomato?”…) Anxiety decreases appetite, so creating a situation where the child feels comfortable and safe at the table goes a long way to improving a child’s ability to tune in to hunger signals and eat to fullness. If a child has butterflies in her stomach, there’s no room for food!

The first glimmer of progress parents need to look for is not how many bites or how much green smoothie a child sips, but the attitude around food. With progress, parents begin to trust their child around food. Parents notice less anxiety, more calm moments and smiles at the table, and a willingness to be around unfamiliar foods. Then the child expresses curiosity about foods, and later begins to engage with new foods, eventually asking to try some, or slipping it onto their plate. We’ve had children try new foods and discover hunger cues within a matter of days, while for others it may take a while— but the lifelong relationship they are building with food will pay off in the end. Attitude has to improve before the child feels safe to branch out.

Once you decide a course of action, how can you get other familial members on board?
For example:
– Your son stayed calmly at the table while you sat next to him eating spaghetti, where a few weeks ago he would have cried and gagged.
– He came happily to the table without complaint or anxiety about what he would eat.
– He passed the beans without gagging or complaining.
– He asked about a new food.
– He sampled a new food at school.
– Keeping a journal is a great way to track progress.

Contains information from Katia Rowell and Jenny McGlothlin.